heartbeat!

This time we heard it!
Went in for a checkup on Wednesday (at 10 weeks) and my doctor brought out the doppler thing. DH was with me...and we got to hear the heartbeat together. It was awesome.

Now I'm off to Korea and Germany for the next two weeks, and when I get back we have the 12-week ultrasound. So excited!

PLUS: We told our parents over Easter weekend! They are so thrilled for us. We told his parents in person..since we went to visit them. We told mine over the phone, since they live far. I got them both on the line and told them, "DH and I have been talking about our holiday travel plans, and I know we were planning to be at your house for Christmas this year, but I don't think we're going to come..[and they sounded a little disappointed]..because our baby is due in November. [and they started gushing with happiness]"
It was so cute. My dad was tearing up, and he's not usually an overtly emotional guy.

heartbeat!

We have a heartbeat!

DH and I went to the doctor this morning for our first ultrasound. There's a baby! and it has a heart! that beats!

It was so amazing, and I'm so glad DH got to be there with me. I think it made it more real for him..to actually see our baby.

The doctor measured the baby, and puts me at 6w4d. Due date is 5Nov2010.

6w1d

so far so good.

DH and I are going in for our first ultrasound tomorrow morning, where we will see that our baby is healthy and everything is where it's supposed to be. I can't wait to see. I don't really feel pregnant yet...tiredness, sore boobs, very occasional nausea, but really those are all things I could be imagining.

Oh, and I'm not eating more but I often need to eat right now. I'm sure DH loves it...he's out grilling steaks last night, trying to make sure mine is well done so we don't kill the baby, and I keep asking him if it's almost done.

maybe I'm imagining things...

...but I can't "suck it in" anymore.

I used to have a flat flat stomach. I could suck in my stomach until you could see my rib cage. Not in a gross took-skinny way. Just if I sucked it in, it was concave and my ribs were showing. Now, when I suck it in, it's flat at best and if I have to pee, forget it.

Not a major difference, and not one any one else would ever notice, but I can tell. And I'm not eating any more than I was before--I'm actually keeping a journal of my diet so I can make sure it's balanced. If anything I'm consuming fewer calories because I'm not drinking alcohol.

Go little embryo!!

blood test

It's confirmed--bun in the oven. Or buns?

My doctor took a look at my well-kept chart, and couldn't dispute that I ovulated on Feb 13th. OPKs and temps said so. So he was a little surprised that I had my first +HPT at 11DPO, and that it wasn't a "is that positive? it's faint, but I think it's there...I better check again tomorrow" test..it was a "no question. that's a line" test. and on a cheap-o dollar store pregnancy test at that, which suggests that my hCG level was >50 mUI/mL at 11DPO. kind of high.

I think his real concern was making sure that it wasn't an ectopic pregnancy that was further along than I thought...getting pregnant in January, having a "period", so never doing a pregnancy test, and now sitting at 7 wks ectopic.

so he did the blood work, and at 13 DPO my hCG is 264. Not too high, but higher than normal for how far along I am.

It might be twins.

We have an ultrasound in two weeks to confirm the number and position of the embryo(s).

KYFX.

YOU GUYS, I AM PREGNANT.

Positive test this morning.
Two lines.
No question.
Bun in the oven.

my girls respond to cold hard cash

Turns out all my ovaries needed to get moving was for me to spend $400 on fertility drugs. Not to actually use the drugs mind you, just to shell out the cash.
I bought the injectibles and was waiting until my January travel was over to start them...when I ovulated on my own. And then I did it again.
So now I'm in the TWW, fingers crossed, temping and waiting to POAS. Just like a normal woman who ovulates. It's kind of nice.

To Test, or Not to Test...

Remember how I said I was taking it easy, so worries, not thinking about testing, just temping and seeing how it goes?
Um. That has passed.
Now I'm thinking about testing tomorrow.

I know. If it's negative it'll get me down, even if I know it's not necessarily the end of the story. and I have no real reason to think it'll be positive, because I have zero symptoms aside from my temps still being up.

I think I'm going to decide based on my temperature tomorrow morning. If it shows any sign of going down, will power and NO TEST.

Guten Tag!

...and however you say hello in Danish.

turns out I did ovulate in January. On my own. No drugs. And we BD'd the night before, so we really have a shot. Today is 9DPO, and I'm traveling in Europe..so spending the two week wait in Germany and Denmark. It's not so bad. I'm not stressing out over it. Just temping every morning and hoping it stays up. The only other time I ovulated it started to drop at 10DPO, and AF came a few days later.

Either way I should know by the end of next week, and I'll either be buying German baby stuff or having a beer (or two).

If I'm not pregnant I still won't be in the US on CD3, so I can't start the shots I was going to start. I'm okay with it though. I ovulated on my own in January, if I do in February I'm going to rethink using the hormones.

HOLY SMOKES!

The UPS guy just dropped off my injectibles for next cycle. It filled a small cooler!

Now I wait. This whole thing is a lot of waiting, but I'm excited to try with the real possibility of ovulating. DH has good sperm. I physically can ovulate, I just don't. If this works, even if I don't get pregnant the first time we try it, it means we have a real shot. Huge.

Today is CD10. I am temping this cycle anyway to see if I spontaneously ovulate, but I don't have high hopes. I just want to know when/if I should start Provera again. If I don't ovulate I'll start it on CD26, which will hopefully make CD3 on Feb9.

KYFX.

hope...it's not just for politicians anymore

Throughout this past year I've spent a lot of time on babycenter. I've met a lot of amazing women...who are so completely candid about their experiences trying to conceive. They give me hope. Some of their stories bring me to tears every time. the good and the sad. More women go through this than we realize. than anyone ever talks about. we're so silent because it's so personal and because we feel like we're failing in our one evolutionary job..to bear children. Our bodies literally ache to be pregnant..and when it doesn't happen?

Good luck ladies...here's to hoping.

i cried. he held me. then we went out for martinis and dumplings.

That was my New Year's Eve.

I'm lucky to be starting a new year with such a wonderful man.

Here's hoping maybe this year will be better than the last.


Resolutions:
1. Get pregnant. Not something I can resolve to do, but I will give it every effort.

2. Lose about 10 lbs. I know. I'm petite. Tiny even. but I've put on a few and I want to get them off--and more to the point, they went on for a reason...I need to start watching my eating habits at work.

3. Stop sweating the small stuff. I can't let things go, and they fester. It can't be healthy. Learn to let it go.

**Update**

wish it was good news, but no. well, i guess there's some.

DH has good sperm :), which is the good news. one hurdle we don't have to deal with. Other good news: our health insurance covers 80% of the injectible drugs..which is nice because they cost about $2k/cycle. Which brings us to the bad news...or, rather, the new bad news. I have to get them through their specialty pharmacy, and because of the New Year's holiday I can't get them in time to start on CD3. So now I have to wait another month.

I'm trying to rearrange my travel schedule to adjust for this.

I used to try to keep TTC a secret. And I still am, to a certain extent. My family doesn't know. But I've told half a dozen people at work. A select few who keep their mouths shut, and it's so much easier for me to try to schedule around when I think I might ovulate.

no follicles

I went for my CD14 ultrasound yesterday, and...nothing.
No follicles. Not going to ovulate. Again.

Clomid works for 80% of women who use it. I'm in the other 20%.

So now I have to decide what to do next cycle. Either a different drug--an estrogen blocker--or injections. The injections are a more sure bet, but they are more expensive (not really an issue) and more time intensive. I'd have to go to the doctor every few days, which isn't easy with my travel schedule. I have about 2 weeks to decide, so I guess I'll have to read more about it.



I turn 30 this month.

It doesn't feel special...

We're seeing a fertility specialist.

It's a little early, since they usually don't recommend it until you've been trying for a year (we're at 10 months), but since I haven't been ovulating there's no point in waiting two more months to find out why not.

So he reviewed my medical history, and told me two interesting things. Ok, more than two, but the two that mattered to me:

1. the infertility rates among women who were on BC are the same at those for women who weren't. Using BC doesn't make you any more likely to have fertility problems.

2. My testosterone is borderline high. So when my OBGYN told me all my test results were "normal"...well, that was true, but not the whole story. It's at the very upper end of the scale and if I lived in a different state it would be considered high (state guidelines or something). This was almost a relief. Finally an explanation for some of the other stuff going on with my body.

3. (okay, there's 3) I did most likely ovulate last cycle...but based on the timing he things it was in spite of clomid rather than because of it.

So. Now it's another round of clomid, this time on days 5-9 and with ultrasounds to check how things are going. Today is CD9. On CD14 they're going to check my follicles, and I'm going to get the results of DH's SA. Yup. He did it. They don't want to treat me for infertility and find out 6 months down the road that something's up with him too. At least we'll know and can either rule it out or deal with it.

Dear Lord

Pick me. Seriously. We want a baby. We want to be parents.

I don't want to hear any crap about your mysterious ways, or about how things happen for a reason. And I SERIOUSLY do not want to hear about another 16-year-old pregnant girl. Don't pick her. She doesn't want it. Neither does her boyfriend.

We do.
Pick us.

sunday, SUNDAY, sunday

We're falling back in to the routine, which is nice. The first day or so after I got home weren't quite right. Took a little getting used to. It bothers me a little, but I suppose it's natural.

But washing machine is fixed, house is clean, fridge is full, and now we're sitting together watching football. Relaxing.

Started Clomid Round 3 yesterday. 100mg. We'll see what happens. No major travel scheduled, so I'm hoping we can at least get good temp data this month. Red-eye and overnight flights mess that up. Not to mention jet-lag.

please please please let this work
let me finally ovulate

Two down, four to go.

On Provera again, and on to round 3 of Clomid.

If you know what that means, I feel for you...because you must be or have been in the same boat.

tests so far

Estradiol
FSH
LH
Prolactin
Testosterone--FREE or BIOA
Testosterone
Thyroid
Glucose
Cholesterol
Triglycerides


All normal.

Where are you egg?

Did we miss it?

I've been traveling a lot for work. I love it, and I appreciate it so much because I know that if (when) I'm pregnant I won't be as mobile... at least in the 3rd trimester and when breastfeeding. So I love to do it while I can. And my boss is really lovely in that he would let me say "Not that week, I'll be ovulating." and would work around it while keeping his trap shut.

That said, it's hard to time because my ovulation (or lack thereof) is so irregular. This cycle we didn't BD CD11-14 because I was out of town. I hope we didn't miss it.

This cycle has been such a mess..with the flu and the new Clomid dose and the travel schedule. I don't know what to expect.