Guten Tag!

...and however you say hello in Danish.

turns out I did ovulate in January. On my own. No drugs. And we BD'd the night before, so we really have a shot. Today is 9DPO, and I'm traveling in Europe..so spending the two week wait in Germany and Denmark. It's not so bad. I'm not stressing out over it. Just temping every morning and hoping it stays up. The only other time I ovulated it started to drop at 10DPO, and AF came a few days later.

Either way I should know by the end of next week, and I'll either be buying German baby stuff or having a beer (or two).

If I'm not pregnant I still won't be in the US on CD3, so I can't start the shots I was going to start. I'm okay with it though. I ovulated on my own in January, if I do in February I'm going to rethink using the hormones.

HOLY SMOKES!

The UPS guy just dropped off my injectibles for next cycle. It filled a small cooler!

Now I wait. This whole thing is a lot of waiting, but I'm excited to try with the real possibility of ovulating. DH has good sperm. I physically can ovulate, I just don't. If this works, even if I don't get pregnant the first time we try it, it means we have a real shot. Huge.

Today is CD10. I am temping this cycle anyway to see if I spontaneously ovulate, but I don't have high hopes. I just want to know when/if I should start Provera again. If I don't ovulate I'll start it on CD26, which will hopefully make CD3 on Feb9.

KYFX.

hope...it's not just for politicians anymore

Throughout this past year I've spent a lot of time on babycenter. I've met a lot of amazing women...who are so completely candid about their experiences trying to conceive. They give me hope. Some of their stories bring me to tears every time. the good and the sad. More women go through this than we realize. than anyone ever talks about. we're so silent because it's so personal and because we feel like we're failing in our one evolutionary job..to bear children. Our bodies literally ache to be pregnant..and when it doesn't happen?

Good luck ladies...here's to hoping.

i cried. he held me. then we went out for martinis and dumplings.

That was my New Year's Eve.

I'm lucky to be starting a new year with such a wonderful man.

Here's hoping maybe this year will be better than the last.


Resolutions:
1. Get pregnant. Not something I can resolve to do, but I will give it every effort.

2. Lose about 10 lbs. I know. I'm petite. Tiny even. but I've put on a few and I want to get them off--and more to the point, they went on for a reason...I need to start watching my eating habits at work.

3. Stop sweating the small stuff. I can't let things go, and they fester. It can't be healthy. Learn to let it go.

**Update**

wish it was good news, but no. well, i guess there's some.

DH has good sperm :), which is the good news. one hurdle we don't have to deal with. Other good news: our health insurance covers 80% of the injectible drugs..which is nice because they cost about $2k/cycle. Which brings us to the bad news...or, rather, the new bad news. I have to get them through their specialty pharmacy, and because of the New Year's holiday I can't get them in time to start on CD3. So now I have to wait another month.

I'm trying to rearrange my travel schedule to adjust for this.

I used to try to keep TTC a secret. And I still am, to a certain extent. My family doesn't know. But I've told half a dozen people at work. A select few who keep their mouths shut, and it's so much easier for me to try to schedule around when I think I might ovulate.

no follicles

I went for my CD14 ultrasound yesterday, and...nothing.
No follicles. Not going to ovulate. Again.

Clomid works for 80% of women who use it. I'm in the other 20%.

So now I have to decide what to do next cycle. Either a different drug--an estrogen blocker--or injections. The injections are a more sure bet, but they are more expensive (not really an issue) and more time intensive. I'd have to go to the doctor every few days, which isn't easy with my travel schedule. I have about 2 weeks to decide, so I guess I'll have to read more about it.



I turn 30 this month.

It doesn't feel special...

We're seeing a fertility specialist.

It's a little early, since they usually don't recommend it until you've been trying for a year (we're at 10 months), but since I haven't been ovulating there's no point in waiting two more months to find out why not.

So he reviewed my medical history, and told me two interesting things. Ok, more than two, but the two that mattered to me:

1. the infertility rates among women who were on BC are the same at those for women who weren't. Using BC doesn't make you any more likely to have fertility problems.

2. My testosterone is borderline high. So when my OBGYN told me all my test results were "normal"...well, that was true, but not the whole story. It's at the very upper end of the scale and if I lived in a different state it would be considered high (state guidelines or something). This was almost a relief. Finally an explanation for some of the other stuff going on with my body.

3. (okay, there's 3) I did most likely ovulate last cycle...but based on the timing he things it was in spite of clomid rather than because of it.

So. Now it's another round of clomid, this time on days 5-9 and with ultrasounds to check how things are going. Today is CD9. On CD14 they're going to check my follicles, and I'm going to get the results of DH's SA. Yup. He did it. They don't want to treat me for infertility and find out 6 months down the road that something's up with him too. At least we'll know and can either rule it out or deal with it.