To Test, or Not to Test...

Remember how I said I was taking it easy, so worries, not thinking about testing, just temping and seeing how it goes?
Um. That has passed.
Now I'm thinking about testing tomorrow.

I know. If it's negative it'll get me down, even if I know it's not necessarily the end of the story. and I have no real reason to think it'll be positive, because I have zero symptoms aside from my temps still being up.

I think I'm going to decide based on my temperature tomorrow morning. If it shows any sign of going down, will power and NO TEST.

Guten Tag!

...and however you say hello in Danish.

turns out I did ovulate in January. On my own. No drugs. And we BD'd the night before, so we really have a shot. Today is 9DPO, and I'm traveling in Europe..so spending the two week wait in Germany and Denmark. It's not so bad. I'm not stressing out over it. Just temping every morning and hoping it stays up. The only other time I ovulated it started to drop at 10DPO, and AF came a few days later.

Either way I should know by the end of next week, and I'll either be buying German baby stuff or having a beer (or two).

If I'm not pregnant I still won't be in the US on CD3, so I can't start the shots I was going to start. I'm okay with it though. I ovulated on my own in January, if I do in February I'm going to rethink using the hormones.

HOLY SMOKES!

The UPS guy just dropped off my injectibles for next cycle. It filled a small cooler!

Now I wait. This whole thing is a lot of waiting, but I'm excited to try with the real possibility of ovulating. DH has good sperm. I physically can ovulate, I just don't. If this works, even if I don't get pregnant the first time we try it, it means we have a real shot. Huge.

Today is CD10. I am temping this cycle anyway to see if I spontaneously ovulate, but I don't have high hopes. I just want to know when/if I should start Provera again. If I don't ovulate I'll start it on CD26, which will hopefully make CD3 on Feb9.

KYFX.

hope...it's not just for politicians anymore

Throughout this past year I've spent a lot of time on babycenter. I've met a lot of amazing women...who are so completely candid about their experiences trying to conceive. They give me hope. Some of their stories bring me to tears every time. the good and the sad. More women go through this than we realize. than anyone ever talks about. we're so silent because it's so personal and because we feel like we're failing in our one evolutionary job..to bear children. Our bodies literally ache to be pregnant..and when it doesn't happen?

Good luck ladies...here's to hoping.

i cried. he held me. then we went out for martinis and dumplings.

That was my New Year's Eve.

I'm lucky to be starting a new year with such a wonderful man.

Here's hoping maybe this year will be better than the last.


Resolutions:
1. Get pregnant. Not something I can resolve to do, but I will give it every effort.

2. Lose about 10 lbs. I know. I'm petite. Tiny even. but I've put on a few and I want to get them off--and more to the point, they went on for a reason...I need to start watching my eating habits at work.

3. Stop sweating the small stuff. I can't let things go, and they fester. It can't be healthy. Learn to let it go.

**Update**

wish it was good news, but no. well, i guess there's some.

DH has good sperm :), which is the good news. one hurdle we don't have to deal with. Other good news: our health insurance covers 80% of the injectible drugs..which is nice because they cost about $2k/cycle. Which brings us to the bad news...or, rather, the new bad news. I have to get them through their specialty pharmacy, and because of the New Year's holiday I can't get them in time to start on CD3. So now I have to wait another month.

I'm trying to rearrange my travel schedule to adjust for this.

I used to try to keep TTC a secret. And I still am, to a certain extent. My family doesn't know. But I've told half a dozen people at work. A select few who keep their mouths shut, and it's so much easier for me to try to schedule around when I think I might ovulate.